Perhaps a strange perversion makes me often seek the opposite of what is obvious. However, it's a fact that virtues are usually hidden beneath flaws, and good intentions often mask selfishness or weaknesses. This confusion is also fueled by the ambiguity of words, which, once they seal a concept, make it unequivocal.
I have had and still have issues with the word "selfishness," as it can be the cause of both the best and the worst. However, I feel much more uneasy with words like "self-sacrifice," "offering," "self-denial." Around the concept of "selfishness," a negative perception has been cultivated, possibly because it is associated with self-promotion and egocentrism, in contrast to the "morally" more prominent self-effacement for the benefit of others. But if we accept the satisfaction of our needs and desires as the content of "selfishness," I don’t see why such an attitude, perfectly in harmony with our nature, should be stigmatized, especially when it doesn’t necessarily mean excluding or nullifying others, and even less so, the "neighbor." This pursuit of satisfaction is indeed a duty to ourselves. After it, the altruistic and genuine desire to offer can be born.
In simpler terms, I tend to believe that only a satisfied "selfishness" can offer, while a deprived "selfishness" in reality tries to extract much more than it claims to give. Substantial offering is intertwined with the joy it provides to the giver. Otherwise, it's nothing but an attempt to deceive fate and reality. The deprived offer without joy, with a sense of recompense, balancing, or even vengeance. And usually, this offering, even if sincere, leads everyone to a deeper deprivation.
This theoretical acrobatics becomes easily understandable when translated into the daily practice of human relationships, where everyone, friends and families, torment each other benevolently because they believe they are offering in good faith, without having first taken care of their own "selfish" needs. No one can love if they haven't first loved themselves; no one can give joy if they haven't first given it to themselves. The effort to improve the lives of others starts from a better life of your own. Otherwise, you are just imposing your concealed bitterness on another. After all, how can you give what you don’t have? You must feel joy, love, peace, to be able to offer it. Therefore, if all parents, spouses, friends were a bit more "selfish," their "offering" would be less burdensome and more effective.
Plato Rivellis